Moments that Matter - 1
Introduction
Romans 12:15 [ESV] “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
The idea for this article has been rattling around my head for the last two or three years. It has been more of an amorphous, nagging presence rather than having clear focus, substance and form. As I go through a major life event moving from one continent to another, this liminal moment has given me the chance to shape those thoughts a bit more precisely.
Many people have written on both the dangers and opportunities offered by burgeoning technological innovation. Much of what I have written has tended to be conceptual, sometimes lacking clear practical application. In this paper, I want to take a small step towards correcting that.
I believe that we human beings were created for relationship – with one another and with our Creator. It is that thought that has inspired this article.
I enjoy and embrace much of the technological innovation that has emerged in recent years. I see it as a collection of capabilities that can bring many blessings to humankind, but that is tempered by concerns that unquestioning adoption of everything developed, may put individuals, society and even our world at risk,
The purpose of this paper is to consider what degree we should allow technology to mediate the moments that matter in our lives. I am concerned that unthinking adoption risks stripping away aspects of our humanity and may reduce the affected relationships to something less than they were meant to be.
Our Personal Lives
Long before the emergence of generative AI tools, I found that technology in my pocket and on my wrist was becoming a distraction. For me, it meant that while visiting some of the most beautiful places in the world, I became more interested in capturing images on a device rather than creating memories with my companions. Having pictures of people and places I have visited has been a blessing, but I needed to find a better balance. I had to learn to prioritise being present for those around me rather than trying to capture the perfect image (regardless of whether that would be posted on social media or not). The value of those shared experiences is greater than my travel pictures.
This lesson was personally striking, but the same questions touch every part of my daily life. Beginning with the mundane daily rhythms – mealtimes, traveling to and from school, work, and extra-curricular activities. We found that often it was better to set devices aside so that we can focus on being fully present for each other: limiting how much we allow technology to intrude in our activities. That way we could invest in those fundamental familial relationships – building value that will last.
In my daily devotions, I had to find patterns that worked for me. These seem to change over time. At one point, the mere presence of my mobile phone was enough to prevent me from focusing on what was written or being read. Today, I can use a devotional tool like 24-7 Prayer’s Lectio 365 on my phone without losing focus. I need to remain sensitive to my changing ability to focus and how I can manage my distraction. Still, if I am trying to read scripture reflectively, I find it better to use a printed book rather than use a device. These choices are ones you must discern for yourself.
These principles apply even more strongly to the major life events: birthdays, festivals, baptisms, graduations, performances and awards. I recommend that we prioritize in-person, fully present experience over capturing every moment digitally or seeking remote participation. Images and videos can be invaluable; precious aides-mémoire. Remote feeds can allow people who cannot be present, to feel in some way part of those significant events, but wherever possible we should be able to ensure that those present can participate, largely undistracted by technology during the event. In doing that we allow true relational value to be built over time. Embracing this view comes at a cost. For those significant life events, I believe we need to prioritise physical presence above all other alternatives.
This reminds me of something I read years ago, in Andy Crouch’s book, ‘The Tech-wise Family’[1]. There he outlined the following principles:
Physical Presence Matters: It is important to show up at major life events in person. Technology cannot replace the significance of being present to share in grief or joy.
"No Excuses" Approach: Andy suggests that major life events should be treated as sacred and cannot be easily replaced with virtual attendance.
Reclaim Real Life: Try to avoid "absent presence" (being there physically but distracted by technology) but offer focused engagement with family and friends during critical life transitions.
The purveyors of Technology like to give the impression that they somehow ‘amplify’ the value and impact of life events particularly through remote ‘connection’. It is true, that for those who simply cannot be present, a remote connection is generally better than none. Allowing technology-mediated connections to become an easy replacement for physical presence devalues the experience and undermines relational connection.
Let’s prioritize the people who are part of the moments that matter in our life.
I will publish a follow-up article, this time looking at the growing use technology in the workplace: particularly that technology focused on interacting directly with staff, colleagues, students, applicants, customers and consider whether we need to be more intentional about that use or not.
[1] Crouch, Andy. The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place. Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2017. (see also review)